#Literally makes me feel bonkers
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being forced to see other peoples bad polls should be a crime. that kid from omori won over rui prsk in an autism swag contest. scaramouche won over mafuyu in a transmasc contest. first of all thats a Girl
#gost#Literally makes me feel bonkers#Rui is most autistic man alive#Mafuyu is so transmasc. scaramouche is a GIRL#i do NOT CAREEE ABOUT GENSHIN BUT DONT SHOW ME THESE LIESSS
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dey're like his wingmen
#bucchigiri?!#bucchigiri#bucchigiri fanart#matakara asamine#tomoshibi arajin#zabu#komao#idk how to draw any of them#trying to draw anime hair makes me feel like throwing up + also throwing myself in a ditch#help meeee#guys. guys. guys. g#hello my brain. can i hyperfixcate on like anything else#i'm like actually going bonkers insane i'm tweaking#i've had work every day since it aired and im losing it every break i have i just be searching up bucchigiri on every site istg#I FORGOT TO VCOLOR THEIR ARMBANDS 👎#and i realizing somehow only now i drew komao's skirt too short he is oging to get dress coded i fear#matakara is sooo cute he looks so ouppy#I DIDNT KNOW SENYA WAOULD BE SO SILLY BILLYYYY EITHER#LIKE WHAT R U BEING A CUTIE PATOOTIE MAKING :3 FACES FOR!!!#me actting shocked that an original anime that literally came out 4 days ago doesnt have a million billion fans 😨😱???#thair heights are messed up my bad whatever#zabu kakeru#sakigake komao
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Man. What Exactly do you think was going on in Cas's head in 9x11 First Born when he told Sam "You know, being human... it didn't just change my view of food. It changed my view of you." Considering the fact that Cas had already Directly Blatantly Plainly said to Ana in SEASON FIVE that he would fucking Kill her/one of his own if they even came near Sam Winchester, let alone try to kill him. You come near Sam Winchester and I'll kill you. And that scene ALSO happens after: Cas comes to the conclusion that it didn't matter that they'd successfully stopped the Apocalypse, because it came "at a terrible cost"– because he'd lost Sam. Because in an act of love, and loyalty, and newly discovered free will, he'd braved Lucifer's Cage in order to try and save Sam. After Sam reached out to him as the only being who could possibly understand and most importantly forgive Cas for the wrongs he'd committed in the name of trying to do Right by the world, to do Right by those he cared about. Even if it'd meant going against what those loved ones actually thought was right. After he takes on the Cage trauma he'd personally re-inflicted on Sam, and tries to begin righting his wrongs by apologizing and trying to ease the pain and suffering he'd inflicted on Sam in particular– I was lost, until I took on your pain.
All of this history, and he says Being human, it didn't just change my view of food. It changed my view of you. I can relate now, to how you feel. I know what it feels like to be sorry. Sam, I am sorry.
What about that view was changed. What about his feelings for Sam were changed simply by virtue of the fact that he'd spent time as a human. I DESPERATELY need to know what the fuck that was actually supposed to mean. What does it Mean what does it all MEAN
#j.txt#sam winchester#castiel#spn#supernatural#sastiel#samcas#DRIVING ME FUCKING BONKERS!!!!!#THEY LITERALLY MAKE ME FEEL SO MANY EMOTIONS. FUCKING BONKERS
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i think honestly what irritates me about yoshidas work SO much is that people will tell you that banana fish is THE gay manga (ignoring the many things that came before it and were more groundbreaking, ie MW literally having on screen (or like. on panel but still.) gay sex in it and that came out like a decade before BF did) when there really isn't barely any gay rep outside of the pedophiles and the one time ash drops the f slur. like im sorry but somehow yasha, a work she wrote in 1996, has more gay rep in it but also has the same issues.
i truly do not get how people can enjoy banana fish with the rampant racism every 2 pages or the rampant sexual assault plotlines (on women and ash bc he is just... written like how yoshida writes women lmao) that are handled IMPOSSIBLY bad and sincerely i hoped yasha would be better because it had been like a decade or so between works. and then it proceeds to continue with the heres our blonde genius protagonist who everyone is weird as fuck to and will sexually harrass and everyone finds it a VERY funny joke to point out how feminine he is when theres barely any women in the work (if you exclude the ones that are being raped/killed/creepy to minors. which to be fair yasha has toned down the sa a LOT) and that its funny that hes kind of gay except not really!! and its just absurd to me how it just persists in all of her stuff because she is not an author that handles gay stuff well. like the scene in banana fish where ash is completely ok getting gang raped and did it solely to get into the hospital when its been SHOWN that he has a lot of trauma with that. and then right after his friend makes a joke at ash's expense about that. like sincerely and genuinely is this what we are hyping up as the old retro gay manga. go read some tezuka and stop reading shit that the most the main characters do is share a kiss in a nonromantic sense and is obsessed w making every gay person be evil!!
#twist rambles#sorry mw u will always be famous to me (horrible fucking manga to experience for like 50% of the time but also it rocksss and theres#about anything tw worthy in there but i wish more ppl did read it)#sorry im like. i like to read her stuff bc her art is interesting to me but oh my god it makes me so angryyyy#rape mention#ask to tag#like... you do not understand my one sided rivalry w her it is SO intense like... bf was one of the worst reading experiences ive ever had#my tzk gay recs are: black jack (protag literally has a transmasc ex bf) and mw (for aforementioned reasons but its like. genuinely bonkers#and honestly there r a lot of minor characters that r lgbt in his works and like. can we please read smth that doesnt suck 100% of the time#like idk god bf is so baffling to me bc theres NOTHING there other than like. the new horrors every chapter. and yasha seems to be reusing#some plot points so it double sucks. haunted by the one analysis showing how the two had similar themes and point 1 was literally child#exploitation like... man. god it sucks. like not that mw is perfect bc its not and its a media i have a lot of thoughts on but man. id take#that over bf anyday bc like... sincerely how is anyone looking past the horrors there!! the story is a jumbled mess and it rly doesnt have#much to sayyyy but whatever lol!! id love if the characters were in a better media id love if ash didnt end the story feeling positively#towards the man who groomed him but whateverrrr lol#this is super disorganized as a post but like. genuinely it is so infuriating bc some of the plot concepts in yasha have potential and then#she keeps doing this like!!
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no machine
#Please Be Kind To Me this is literally like the second edit ive ever made#but this is the song of all time to me and its So chan it makes me feel bonkers#bang chan#stray kids#mine
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genuinely dont like being a hater (especially not publically) bc i hate creating conflict but also do u ever see. like. a fanwork of sorts. and its obvious that op has no idea anything about the character outside of "they are [x identity] and so i assign them [specific archetype based on that identity and not on the actual character]"
#morgan.pdf#keeping this intentionally vague but this is specifically seeing something w a butch lesbian and creating content that is just like#fully balls to the wall 'cottagecore lesbian vibes<33 dresses and fruits and lace and pink<33 in a little prairie <333'#like you could make the argument for Some of it. but then its like. almost intentionally leaving out actual themes/motifs for the character#that would literally be SO easy to use. my god#this isnt me complaining abt like. people who do actually fall into those categories btw. like thats fine. but to be like yeas...#all ppl w this identity are Simply like this. bonkers.#reblogs off immediately for this bc this is the piss on the poor website and i do not feel like getting into it w anyone
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*SHAKES YOU VIOLENTLY* DO YOU SEE?? DO YOU?? (this was already text within the books) BUT DO YOU SEE!!
#rangnar rambles#me: did i make up tam being a version of thomas?#google: no. and i have something better for you also#the david and tam art im about to create is bonkers#(i literally already base my entire understanding of their relationship around them being two sides of the same coin)#(and zanna mistaking tam's eyes for being blue even though she Knows those bitches are brown)#nothing is changing for me but i feel very vindicated (how tf have i not googled this before?)#anyways hi its fic evenings#got 4k in today which is NUTS. so chapter by sunday methinks#im thonking. im considering. nay. im rotating#going to my partners next week so actually yes you are guaranteed that chapter by the end of sunday#occasionally i want to apologise for being odd on the fandom blog. but where on earth will i be too excited about a name meaning if not#the tldc fandom blog?
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OoT Ganon makes me go bonkers in the Fucking yonkers
#i really love both WW and TP Ganon. hes not only so handsome but his characterization carries so much weight#and makes me feel so much and love him deeply#but if we're strictly talking about his design then theres something about OoT Ganon that just drives me INSANE#especially his original n64 models. its literally just. peak handsomeness.#his facial structure. the hairline. its literally everything I find SO handsome on one character it#makes my brain EXPLODE holy shit man#i love WW and TP Gans design so much too but idk man... oot Ganon just makes me go bonkers in the FUCKING yonkers dude
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we finally finished s5 of the dragon prince with my roommate and man that show is doing things to me... the last 2 episodes were absolutely incredible i am. on the floor
#the dragon prince#the dragon prince spoilers#(bc of the tags)#the whole thing with soren choosing not to fight back against elmer to show him that he didn't have to take finnegrin's shit#because he recognized his own relationship to viren in the finnegrin/elmer dynamic. fucking. ended me#soren is such a bonkers insane character i am unwell#90% of the time he's just a silly little guy !! he's the comic relief !!#and THEN. he gets the most emotionally devastating moment of character development you've ever seen. absolutely unhinged#and then the whole thing with claudia in the last episode. GOD. could write a fucking essay about claudia and viren's entire arc#and man it gets DARK but i think it's really lovely that they don't let the fact that it's supposed to be a 'kid's show' get in the way#of the story they want to tell#like. all of the characters are nuanced and their relationship to each other are deeply layered whether they're villains or heroes#the storytelling is *chef's kiss* and it dives into truly complex issues and character dynamics#in a way that feels organic and not overly moralistic#they don't shy away from showing the ugly side of things#like the moment when callum literally gets TORTURED ? i was like wow. they're really going there#same with viren's fever dream#and like it's clearly intended for older kids#but still. i love that they respect kids' ability to handle pretty dark stuff and to understand nuanced storytelling#without having to make everything exceedingly literal or censoring themselves#this show genuinely has better writing that a lot of 'adult' tv i've seen and it's often on par with some of the best stuff i've watched#and yeah. that's really precious i think#oops i ended up writing an essay in the tags lmao. oh well#mara talks
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Not to generalize fans but it's been a reoccurring theme on my dash to see artists I follow either being poked fun of or "criticized" for their rw art or character interpretations and it has me like
?????
#i feel like this is a bad luck on my end as I happen to just casually follow content#and not deep dive into tags or anywhere but that's exactly why it feels bonkers to me#maybe I've been spoiled by hk fandom who is genuinely chill or know how to just not care#when their interpretations don't match#but here is something else and maybe i'm getting the whole picture wrong#it's just the view I'm getting of this fandom atm#this is like a mini rant so I apologize for that#but it's been driving me away from trying to look up or find more stuff#if eventually it's going to end up with fans saying wild stuff about a specific interpretations#and for a game that's in pixels and has grown big thanks to the fans themselves and their mod varients#some of people seem really strict about how people choose to have fun with fanwork#and dunno where to draw the line between memes and genuine appreciation#<- as in when someone makes a genuine or serious post and people flock on it with wild takes and memefy it#idk how to explain this#maybe it's me who should curate experience better but like#i'm just?? literally following artists and nothing else??#and to see them feel like crud about having fun with their interpretations because some rando decided to 'criticize' it#is honestly wild new fandom experience for me#to note: I'm not having a bad time following folks I'm just genuinely confused#and kind of sad to see this is happening at all lol
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i've been listening to Paper Mario and Mario & Luigi soundtracks at work recently (and the Super Mario RPG OST as well) and i've gotta ask. Why is Thousand Year Door's soundtrack Like That (derogatory)
#i'm not sure i'm necessarily looking for answers#but i was literally sitting there baffled as to why my brain fucking hated most of the songs in the playlist#i'm torn between it being the lack of (hummable) melodies or there only being like 5 instruments total#which makes everything sound the same in this...Ambient Synth Mush#its wild because the PM64 and SPM soundtracks are perfectly fine. It's just this one that drives me bonkers for some reason#and i cant tell if i'm biased or not#TTYD has always felt to me like a generic fantasy rpg that they dropped Mario and co into at the last possible second#i feel like the soundtrack exemplifies that#especially with the underground theme in the titular TYD whose idea was that and why not use that prologue tune#i like that prologue tune (it plays when the crystal stars do their 'unite the world' thing also)#its one of the few tunes i remember lmao#i think its the only melody that pushes through as a motif/theme and plays more than once in the playlist#(please god someone correct me) (does grubba's theme persist at least? the train songs? the x-nauts and grodus? I couldnt tell...)#mlv.txt#also pour one out for the Superstar saga remake ost#god.#that poor thing.
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*deepest sigh you have ever heard in your life* send me a ඞ for a snippet of the second among us fanfiction i’m writing for an english final this year
#this english final is off the walls bonkers. i was given creative freedom and i fear i have flown too close to the sun#there's breaking bad references even though i've literally never watched the show#i figured out vitals mechanics even though i haven't played among us since middle school#but i accidentally broke among us lore super hard by not knowing that polaris is a star in a different solar system#which at least implies that among us takes place in a different solar system. according to my space nerd partner#so me making my little among us guy a criminal part of a court case AGAINST THE SUPREME COURT totally fucks up the lore#so it's now an au when i was trying SO HARD to be canon compliant#2nd among us fic for an english final#that's the tag now. i hate that this exists#and yet i do it to myself#tbf what i hate more is that the original among us fic i wrote for an english final earlier this year has some REALLY good lines#but the worst pacing i have ever written. like the pacing is so bad i can't fully reread it. i cringe too hard#but i have lines that go hard and it's for a FUCKING AMONG US FANFICTION. DO YOU FEEL MY PAIN#that applies to this among us fic too :(((( and the lines are good but some have to go but i want to share :((( and so this post exists
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if i die before my mom i am going to leave her something very insulting in my will i think.
#i don’t plan on dying before her#but if i do. hooooo boy.#this post is inspired by me stumbling upon a letter my mom wrote me once that was just guilt tripping me for the sin of…………#not being a little robot with no feelings of my own who sometimes calls her out on things??#literally the inciting incident of that letter was me telling my mom i dont think she should make comments on her children’s appearances#specifically negative ones#like. idk. telling my sister she’s too skinny or dresses like she’s homeless or that she looks horrible with longer hair………#or calling my little brother ugly because he doesn’t like having his hair fixed (because he’s a kid and it’s uncomfortable)#or the five million times she talked about my body and hair and sense of style in a negative way……… most of which happened before i was 15..#p sure me calling her out that time was spurred by her ranting about how i was so much prettier before i cut my hair short as a teen#like idk i just think parents shouldn’t be mean about their kids appearances like they’re schoolyard bullies#just a quirky opinion i have i know it’s pretty out there!#sometimes i think about the parenting things i know my mom and her friends think are totally fine and i want to scream forever#like ignoring the outright abusive stuff some of it is fucking bonkers#grown ass adult mothers acting like high school mean girls towards their kids and acting like that’s just normal and fine
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im trying out a new social media website for the first time in.... uh. i think the last new website (not New but new to me) i tried to use was instagram or twitter and that was when i was 16/17 lol. i gave up on twitter after like a month of struggling to understand the etiquette and culture there, and i recently abandoned instagram bc opening the app made me angry or anxious djdkdl. but anyWAYs.... im trying out a new art sharing platform and I'll let y'all know if it goes well, it seems very fun and nice so far :]
#the reason im hesitating on sharing the name is bc i might abandon it entirely in like a week DBFJDKL#i want to make sure it has some sort of lasting power before i go ''hiii u should all check out this thing''#their rules are So good though. very pleased w it so far!!#and the culture on it seems very niceys too :] and I've already managed to get likes on things which is WILD#i literally just uploaded my first art piece there a couple hours ago and its already received a few likes#that is BONKERS. i post stuff here (on my main) and im lucky if i get two likes and I've been here for ages 😭😭#its not about likes for me though djdksl its more about engagement#like. connection. bc the art i share (not so much here on this acct but somewhat!) is shared to tell a story#and stories need an audience of some kind#and i tell/make/share stories for connection. so to send it out into the void and receive a thumbs up is very cool and nice :]#and i mean yeah likes do feel nice i wont lie LMAO but i try not to rely on that or focus on that fjdkdl#mostly i just want to connect w ppl 😭 which is... difficult to do bc i am so so so scared all the time 😭😭😭#anyways im rambling and talking nonsense. i will go to sleep now FAREWELL i hope yall are doing okay 🫶🫶🫶#dandy.cmd
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I get so so worried for no reason. Noo reason at all. And then I get home and write in my journal about it. I write: today I got nervous worried and anxious for stupid reasons and it was so bad I wanted to cry. Curse you, disorders. Curse you a hundred billion times
#talk#i hate it it makes me act weird for noo fucking reason it makes me want to cry when everyone is literally fine#it makes me wanna go crazy insane off the walls bonkers and i have to keep my mouth shut and my eyes low the entire time#bc if i dont ill only talk about how bad i feel and my eyes will water everytime someone else catches them#sighs deeply. im glad im going home roght now#and im glad i managed to survive this time#the horrors did NOT win today. im getting home and im gonna think so long and hard about it itll be crazyyyy
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